I made it out, and after commandeering a taxi I’m in the Lairjet on the way back to the Lair Mansion. Attempts to raise the Legion on the radio have failed, which has me a little worried. I’m more concerned by the constant urge I have to crash the jet into a populated area to see what happens.
Fortunately I’m in control for the most part. I caught part of Order Hatman’s speech before I ducked out, about how he was still a person despite the split. Guess the same works for me, except he’s the omni-powerful one and I’m powerless. So naturally he’s the one that had to get captured.
I land the Lairjet in the hangar and disembark. Nobody is around to greet me. I power down the jet and leave the hangar, entering the house. I hear noise coming from the living room. Sounds like Nats and CSFB! are watching some kind of action movie.
Then I realize the sounds aren’t coming from the speakers, they’re real.
I charge into the room to find Yo and CrazySugarFreakBoy! under assault from the rest of the Legion. Mr. Epitome, Trickshot, and Nats have CrazySugarFreakBoy! half out of his Sillysuit. I’m impressed he’s managed to hold out this long. Yo is fending off the rest as best s/he can, but it’ clear that the pure thought being is hard-pressed to think s/he can take on the entire team.
“Hatty! You must to be helping cute-CSFB!, pleasing!”
The Legion turn as one and see me in the entranceway. “Hatman must be destroyed.” They intone it as one, and charge after me, forgetting Dream and Yo entirely. I reach for my Steelers cap from my Hatility Belt and slam it on my head.
My instincts forgot that I have no powers without the Serious Matter. CSFB!, already back in his suit, pulls me from their assault. “C’mon Yo, we’re out of here!” He tucks me under his arm as he bounces from room to room, with Yo thinking “follow the leader” right behind us.
“So what’s the plan, Mr. Tactical Advisor?” I wish I had one, but right now it’s clear we need to escape. Too bad I didn’t leave the LairJet running, but it’s still our best option.
“Head for the LairJet! I just parked it, so the engines are still hot!”
We race into the hangar bay and slam the door behind us. CrazySugarFreakBoy! pours on the silly string in hopes of barring the way, but I’m not sure it can stand up to Mr. Epitome’s strength, Dancer’s probability powers, and Nats’ telekinesis.
“We better hurry, that won’t hold for long.” I run to the LairJet, CrazySugarFreakBoy! and Yo right behind me. I jump into the pilots seat and CSFB! leaps into the co-pilot’s chair. I fire up the engines and begin to exit the hangar.
That’s when I notice Yo isn’t with us like I thought. Yo was still in the hangar, bracing the door. I flip on the external speakers. “Yo, get in here now!”
“The door will be to holding!” Yo shouted the words into our minds. “Cute-Hatty and cute-Dream are to be escaping and braving and bolding to save the day. That is to be an order!”
“Yo’s right. We have to go. You’ve done the same before.” CrazySugarFreakBoy! obviously doesn’t like what he’s saying, but we both know it’s true.
“We’ll be back for you Yo! I promise!” I flip off the speakers and we take off, leaving our selfless friend behind. Yo will hold them off until we’re far enough away they can’t find us, I’m sure of it.
“Okay, we should be clear. First things first, what’s happened to your powers?”
I explain to Dream what happened, about how the Word ripped me in two, leaving one omni-powerful half and a powerless half. I tell him how Order Hatman bought me enough time to escape, and how he’s probably enslaved by now.
“Order Hatman must be influencing the Legion. When Epitome was removing my Sillysuit I felt a tugging in my mind, trying to get me to stand down. The Impossibilitium must have protected me from his influence, so that’s why they tried to remove it.” CSFB! leaned back in his seat. “And there’s no way you can mentally enthrall a thought being. I wonder why this affected the Shoggoth though.”
“It didn’t.” We both jump, since the voice came from my Hatility Belt.
A thick ooze oozed out of the Belt, forming behind us in the shape of the Manga Shoggoth. “I merely played along to learn what was wrong with the Legion. I left a simulacra of myself behind, but hid my main mass inside Hatman’s Belt when the opportunity presented itself.”
“Very clever. I thought it would just be the two of us in this fight.” I keep to myself I’m surprised that any of us are left at all. I’m still not sure how we escaped from Lisa’s summonsing powers, Mumphrey’s time manipulation, and Dancer’s probability twisting.
Then my Communicard goes off. I pull it from my pocket and activate it.
“I think you could use my help.”
“It’s Sorceress! This has to be the part where we assemble a scratch team to battle the big villain and our enslaved teammates! You’ve got to hand it to the Word, he set this up beautifully.”
While I don’t share CSFB!’s appreciation of our situation, I’m also glad to hear from Whitney. We’re going to need the help. “I think we could. Can we give you a ride?”
A half hour later Sorceress is aboard the jet, and I have to admit I had mixed feelings about De Brown Streak waiting with her. “I had time to kill, figured I should stop depriving Sorceress of her destiny to be with me. Guess it’s a good thing she was in Gothametropolis, or I’d be mind-wiped like the rest of them. So what’s the sitch, fearless leader?”
I debrief everyone on the situation, and the game plan. Afterwards I leave DBS and CSFB! to pilot the jet with to gather my thoughts in the rear of the plane. Whitney sits down next to me.
“Are you okay?”
“Sure, we’ll get through this. We always do.”
“That’s not what I mean. You’ve been ripped apart inside, split into two separate people. Nobody is okay after that.”
“You know how you sometimes think ‘I wonder what it’d feel like to crash my car, just to see how it feels’ or ‘Wouldn’t it interesting to see what would happen if I did this’? Normally you dismiss something like that as a stupid passing though, nothing more. Those impulse are fifty times as strong within me right now. I’m a Chaos being, meant to cause disorder. I’m fighting it as best I can, but I’m not so sure I can be relied upon in the upcoming battle. I’m surprised I made it this far.” I lower my head, not wanting to look at her.
She lifts my chin, forcing me to look her in the eye. “But you have made it this far. There’s a lot more to Hatman than the hats. Even without your powers we’re ready for you to lead us into this battle. So turn that frown upside down and let’s get your other half back.” She smiles, and that simple smile is all it takes for me to realize that we can do this, that I can do this.
CrazySugarFreakBoy! calls back to us from the front of the jet. “Put your seats in the upright position kiddies, cause we’re here.”
“So what do we call ourselves right now? The Lair Legion is controlled by the enemy, and from the reports we’ve been getting over the radio the Word’s influence has spread to the rest of the country.”
CrazySugarFreakBoy! smirks at De Brown Streak’s comment. “Alone against a world that fears and hates us.”
“I guess that makes us the Abandoned Legion.” I smile at Sorceress’ nostalgia for her old team.
“Abandoned Legion line up!” CSFB! obviously likes the idea.
“Okay team, you know the plan. Let’s do this.”
I can do this.
To be continued and possibly concluded!
